I have had a bad day

and I don’t want to post anything so this is my post.

saw a dog today

 

It was good to be able to go to physical therapy today. I feel much more relaxed and I will hopefully have a good night’s sleep. My physical therapist brought his dog who he hadn’t brought in a while and the dog is named Fitz and he’s so cute and it was good to see him. I included a picture. I hope you like it. Have a good night, world.

honk shoo mimimi

I’m really starting to get bored of these evaluations. A lot of these forms and tests are really repetitive. I’ve answered the same questions about what my skills are about five times. And I’ve got nine more sessions! I’m not sure if there’s a set number of things I need to complete and if I finish I can stop early, or if they’ll keeping giving me stuff until the time is up. At least I have physical therapy tomorrow. 

I don’t like this word

At this diagnostic vocational evaluation, they use a lot of old paperwork and programs. Because of this, I have read the term “mental (r-slur)” quite a few times over the past week or so. It’s funny. There was a brief period of time where everyone was starting to get that we shouldn’t use that word, and now I’m seeing it everywhere again.

A lot of neurodivergent people claim we can use it in the same way black people are allowed to use the n-word, but I just don’t think they’re equivalent. No one calls anyone the r-word unless they’re insulting them. There’s no reclamation if you’re never using it in a casual, friendly conversation. It’s just a different type of slur, and I’m really annoyed that it’s being thrown around all the time again. It’s outdated. It’s childish. Grow up.

Wrestlemania IX

 

My friends and I just watched Wrestlemania IX. It’s as bad as everyone says it is! Though there were actually two pretty good matches. I liked the Headshrinkers vs the Steiner brothers. Scott Steiner pre-Big Poppa Pump is so funny looking. Mr. Perfect vs. Lex Luger was also good. I also think Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund could’ve been good if they’d been allowed to go a little longer. But man, everything else stunk. Shawn Michaels vs. Tatanka doesn’t sound bad on paper but it was incredibly slow for some reason. Doink vs. Crush sucked because Crush sucks and nothing happened except for the ending. Ted DiBiase and IRS vs. Hulk Hogan and Brutus Beefcake? Suuuuucked. The Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez is infamously bad, but at least it was funny. And of course, the main event was just a mess. I hate Hulk Hogan. I hate him so much. 

Really Good MS Paint Cats I Drew as a Kid

 More nostalgia, folks. My mom pulled a lot of stuff off our chunky old family laptop, and that included a bunch of cats I drew. These cats are so funny. They're so 10-year-old. Which makes sense, because I was probably about 10 when I drew them!

 

i think this one is GIMP actually

snow

I don’t know. There’s snow tomorrow. I have no thoughts in my brain to say right now.

100%

 

This was a pretty empty day for me. I was supposed to have physical therapy yesterday, but they had to cancel. That kinda sucks because those three days at the evaluation were pretty hard on my back. And then next week I have four days in a row! Or maybe not, actually. It’s supposed to snow a ton here tomorrow afternoon so that might end up being cancelled as well. 

Today I donated a bunch of old clothes to a thrift store. Everything I donated was because it was too big now, which is kind of cool? The working out has worked! But also, I hate shopping for clothes and now I need new ones.

Today I also jumped into a call where the wrestling group chat was watching a late 2000s Argentinian wrestling show called 100% Lucha. It was really bad but also awesome. I am including an image of Hip Hop Man who had a shockingly good match against Dick Togo. There was also a match between a bus driver and a taxi driver where the loser lost their license. And there was a guy who was a fly. It was cool.

Awesome Stuffed Animal Videos Made by Child (Me)

the dynamic duo

I rediscovered some old videos, from when I was maybe 8 or 9, of me wiggling around my stuffed animals in front of a video camera in order to make them dance to music. It seems to have all been High School Musical music. These videos are just kind of adorable. It's also funny to remember what some of these stuffed animals were named. I heard baby Jules say that the husky was named Greymist and I thought oh YEAH, that WAS his name! Here is a clip from one of those videos. What a cute kid. 

 

My Squiggles

the cool S doesn't count

I sort of forgot that when I am sitting around, bored, with a pencil and scrap paper in front of me, I tend to doodle in a very specific way. I draw these squiggly shapes, just whatever feels fun. I forgot this because it’s been so long since I’ve had to wait like this. It’s kind of interesting!

 

I also tried to draw Scout

tired again

I think this evaluation stuff is gonna make blogging kinda hard. I’m just super tired after all that. Which is maybe a bad sign for if I actually manage to get a job, I’ll be even more exhausted. This post and yesterday’s don’t have images because like I said, if I want to put pictures I’d need to get up and sit at my computer, and I just really don’t want to do that. The chairs at the center kinda suck and that sure doesn’t help my back. Today I had to do a bunch of math problems and that was not as fun. Then I had to do a two page essay on one of the six provided topics and I thought that would be harder than it ended up being. I saw some of the people who are ahead of me in the program getting to work with physical props, seeing how well you can sort and file things, and I can’t wait to do that. That’s basically playing with toys. I hope I do that soon.

Tests are fun

I had the first day of my Diagnostic Vocational Evaluation today. It went alright. All the stuff asking what my ideal job is and what my strengths are were difficult, but then they gave me a bunch of what were basically standardized tests. It was stuff like basic logic puzzles, figuring out how you’d file different names and looking for mistakes, etc. I forgot that I’m really really good at that kind of stuff! I haven’t taken a test in years. It was kind of fun. I felt like a kid again, just being handed a task to complete and doing it. Anyways, I’m exhausted. I have to go to 15 sessions, so it’s Tuesday-Thursday this week, then Monday-Thursday the next three weeks. Each session is from 12-5. I have no clue what they’re gonna fill all this time with, but having a sort of daily routine again is interesting. 

Cookies

 

I made cookies today. It’s another thing that’s made more difficult by my back pain. Any sort of cooking requires a lot of tilting forward to work on stuff on the counter, which is pretty hard on both my upper and lower spine. Pretty worth it though, the cookies are great. Hang on let me see if I can find the recipe. Okay I found it. I used chocolate chips instead of the M&M baking bits cause they didn't have them at the store. Highly recommend Terence’s cookie recipes. If you are reading this I am handing you a cookie to eat. And if you haven’t baked yourself cookies in a while then you should bake yourself cookies. Even just the premade stuff in a box. It’s really good to make a cookie in your oven.

old lady birthday!!!

 

on her favorite blankie

I did my laundry today and I have a headache so I do not at all feel up for making a very long post. But I need everyone to know: today is Scout’s 15th birthday!!! Which means we got her when I was 12, which feels like a lifetime ago. I’ve had her for more of my life than I haven’t! She’s recovering well from her surgery by the way, I don’t think I ever updated. I love you little lady!!!

narrative foil thoughts for The Pitt

 

girlboss

I am really enjoying the character of Dr. Baran Al-Hashimi in season 2 of The Pitt so far. I like the way she has been framed as a foil to Robby, starting from the first episode, where she requested that he stop referring to the ER as the Pitt, as it has a negative connotation. Calling it the Pitt is part of Robby's doom-and-gloom attitude in regard to where he works. He seems to think nothing can change, nothing can get better. The ER sucks, it's chaotic, they're gonna lose people. And that's all true! But Robby is incredibly reluctant to try to change the workflow and setup, even in a way that might make things run more smoothly. He was ready to dislike Al-Hashimi as soon as he heard of her becoming his replacement, because he knew someone else would run things differently than he did.

Meanwhile, Al-Hashimi has come into the Pitt hoping to change it for the better. The problem is, with little experience in emergency medicine, there's a bit of naïvety in how she's approaching it. Take, for example, her idea for patient passports. It's a good idea in theory! But the reality is that the cases they deal with are unpredictable and the passports could end up causing more frustration. Her obsession with introducing genAI into the workplace is another part of that. Most fans had a knee-jerk reaction when she first brought it up, instantly hating her, but as she's explained her reasoning, she definitely has her heart in the right place. She wants the doctors to spend less time charting so that they have more time during the day to treat patients, and don't need to stay overtime to finish like Santos has been. Of course, as an audience we know that genAI is not going to be the solution to that problem, but again, it's good that she's trying.

I hope that, by the end of the season, she and Robby will have been able to find a way to meet in the middle. The way Robby has been so dismissive of her and what she's trying to do has been bugging me, but I'm pretty sure we're supposed to be having a lot of problems with the way he's dealing with things so far this season. Curious to see where it goes! 

damn it

Earlier today, I was all ready to write a blog post about the framing of Dr. Al-Hashimi as a foil to Robby in Thr Pitt. But I didn’t want to sit at the computer because my back hurt. It’s been a few hours and all my motivation is now gone. I really hate how my brain works like this! I’ll get excited to talk about something, and then my chronic pain makes me have to put it off, and by the time my body doesn’t feel as horrible I don’t want to write anymore. It makes me wonder if my pain is making me even less functional than I thought. Makes me kinda spiral. So I’m just making this post now because I’m pretty sure the rest of my day is gonna be spent in a depressive episode.

ramble day

 

good dog I saw on the subway

I’ve got no clue what to talk about today. Scout is healing well from her surgery, even though she’s still peeing all over the house. Apparently we might need to deal with that for a while until she’s fully recovered.

I start my vocational rehabilitation evaluation next Tuesday. They’re having me come in from 12-5 for fifteen days, which feels like a lot. I have no idea what they’re gonna have me do for that long, but it’ll be kinda nice to have a daily task.

I watched the Sony State of Play and the new Silent Hill game looks cool. I think I might actually play it, even though I’m a real coward in regards to horror games. I could barely get through the Outer Wilds DLC! But it could be fun.

A Fresh Shuffle

 

At the beginning of the year, I switched from Spotify to Apple Music. Part of the reason was in protest of them running ICE ads, and the other was that my dad had gotten Apple Music and decided to put us all on the family plan to save money. I transferred my entire Liked Songs playlist, and one thing I realized is that Spotify was definitely using some kind of algorithm when shuffling. Shuffling the playlist on Apple Music, I was getting a lot of songs that I hadn’t heard in ages. So here, during my commute from home to physical therapy, I am going to tell you every song that comes up when I shuffle my song library.

Lovely - Johnny Manchild and the Poor Bastards

Hell yeah good start. I’m a big piano rock guy and I also love horn lines so this song rules. If you’re into Ben Folds or Jack’s Mannequin I recommend Johnny Manchild as a kind of rougher, edgier equivalent. Though this is one of their more chill songs. Good track!

Moscow - Autoheart

Ohhhhh that’s the stuff. I love this era of early to mid 2010s pop rock. Is this pop rock? Indie rock? Is it rock? I don’t know, genres are made up. This song is still super cute. Probably heard this one on a lot of 8tracks playlists. Literally let’s get a dog an Irish Red Setter it’s all we need to get better!!!!

Call Me Joe - Jukebox the Ghost

There they are, my favorite band! Showed up pretty early! This song might be secretly a genderqueer anthem whether they wanted it to be or not. Call Me Joe is one of those JTG singles that I love but never ended up on album. Stay the Night is another one, I love the song. And Keys in the Car! That one never even got a studio recording!

Pink Light - MUNA

 

Alright switching up the vibe, time for sad girl bops! This is probably still my favorite MUNA album. I think Pink Light has one of my favorite pre-chorus to chorus transitions of their songs, and they’re pretty damn good at those. This whole album is so gorgeous I should relisten to it. I think they have a new song out, I will put it on when I am done with this.

Holliday - The Weekend Run Club

I think this is one that showed up on my Spotify Discover playlist and I really liked it. No clue what else this band has done, I should look sometime. This song is fun, very jaunty. Besides the MUNA song everything I’ve gotten has had very similar vibes. I promise my taste isn’t boring.

Chinese Satellite - Phoebe Bridgers

This freaking album made female indie artists so boring for a hot second. And look, the album is excellent! This is a great song! The strings are so good and it all builds really well. But my god, the era of Phoebe Bridgers knockoffs being pushed as the next big thing was so rough. Chinese Satellite is gorgeous though.

Bad Friend - Rina Sawayama

LET’S GOOOOOO. The vocal warping and harmony on the first chorus is so sick. What a good album. Reminds me that at Superpower Slam I saw a wrestler use XS by Rina as her entrance song which is such a good choice. 

The Draw - Bastille

IT’S ME THE BASTILLE APOLOGIST. All This Bad Blood is one of my favorite albums ever. Specifically not Bad Blood on its own, the deluxe edition has a bunch of my favorite Bastille songs, and this is one of them. Another song with chorus harmonies that make me go yesssssss. And I’m sorry the outro goes hard as hell. There are so many good Bastille songs that no one has heard because Pompeii was their only big hit and it’s not even close to one of the best on that album.

Stop Making This Hurt - Bleachers

God damn it. I guess everyone hates Jack Antonoff now because he ruined Taylor Swift or something. Even though when she switched it up and went with Max Martin on the new album it was pretty boring and I will maintain that The Tortured Poets Department is a way better album. Anyways, Bleachers. Yeah this is still a bop. Listening on the subway and it sucks cause I want to be dancing a little bit. I’m tapping my foot at least.

Pretending - Orla Gartland

Even though I like Orla’s newest album more than the one this is from, this album is still solid. I call things solid so much now and I think it’s because of wrestling. This isn’t one of my favorite Orla songs but it’s good! 

Better Place - Bermuda Search Party

 

This is a similar case to Holliday where it was a Spotify Discover find and I don’t know anything about the band. I’m a simple person, I hear a nice horn line, I hit save. I like this singer’s voice!

Pride - The Family Crest

Fuck yeah. I own this album on vinyl. The Family Crest is theater kid music in the best way possible. I found them when they opened for earlier entry Jukebox the Ghost. Speaking of really good voices! Dude from this band is one of my favorites. I have no idea why they haven’t popped off on TikTok among like, the dark academia crowd or something. Is that even a thing anymore?

From the Mouth of an Injured Head - Radical Face

You’re goddamn right. What a good song to end on. I relistened to the entire Family Tree album trilogy from Radical Face recently and I think it’s one of my favorite pieces of art ever. This is one of the songs that I think works on its own even if you don’t know the Lore. I would love to use it on a soundtrack one day. 

That’s all of them! Nothing too embarassing. It’s funny, I have friends who say I have diverse music taste, but it’s really more that I just know a Lot of Bands. Looking at this list it’s extremely rock/folk/indie pop. I swear I have hip hop and country and R&B saved! They just didn’t show up. I have a ton of songs okay.

Return to Silent Hill made me really mad

hey how's it goin

Spoilers for Return to Silent Hill and Silent Hill 2

I wouldn't exactly call myself a Silent Hill 2 fan. I've never played the game, and I don't think I've even watched a full playthrough on YouTube. But I know enough about it, and know enough people who love it, to know that Return to Silent Hill is dogshit. Hell, I don't need to know anything about Silent Hill 2 to know it's just a bad movie.

I know that having Mary be tied to the cult in Silent Hill is an extremely bad choice. Part of what makes Silent Hill 2 interesting is how disconnected it is from the story of the first game. James is just a Guy, and Mary is just a Lady who was His Wife. The fact that the actress who plays Mary and Maria also played Angela was an extremely bad sign. Again, I have not played the game, but I know Angela's story, and that it means a lot to a lot of people. Also, one of the few things I do love from Silent Hill 2 is the shitty little girl named Laura who calls James a fartface, and watching the movie I was getting really annoyed that she had been turned into a generic creepy little girl in a creepy old dress with a creepy gross doll.

they made her boringgggg

And then, of course, there comes the big reveal that most people, including myself, hated, which is that Angela and Laura are both "aspects" or "versions" of Mary. This is revealed in an extremely funny flashback where James goes to Mary's grave and the headstone says "Mary Angela Laura Crane." Laura is a representation of Mary's childhood, while Angela represents the implied sexual abuse Mary has gone through. Which means that for Angela, it's not that James can't save her because he's not supposed to, because it's not his place. He can't save her cause she's not a person. I think that sucks!!!

Not only that, but this reveal makes Maria's whole existence make no sense. The whole point of Maria is that she looks like Mary, that she's a sexy hotted version of Mary who was, well, born from a wish. Maria is an interesting character because she's not real, and she kinda knows it. She's Mary and she's not Mary and that's her character. What's the point of making Angela and Laura also Mary? It doesn't add anything, and just makes Maria feel pointless. If they were gonna go this route, they might have well combined Maria and Angela as characters, since they're both Mary anyways.

There's a ton of things wrong with this movie. I haven't even gotten into how it justifies James killing Mary in a way completely antithetical to the game that makes me wonder if Christophe Gans even played it. He did, he loves the games! So how did this happen Christophe?!?! All this movie has is some occasional fun imagery, and also I liked the guy playing Eddie because he was the only one who got kinda goofy with it. Giving the Mannequin a giant ass was really funny. Bad movie!

uh oh missed a day!

thumbs up doctor

Well, I forgot to post on February the 8th. Don't really have an excuse. I was considering making two posts today to make up for it, but I realized I don't actually have to do that if I don't want to. So I won't.

Update on Animal Crossing: I got Aurora on my island! Found her with a Nook Miles Ticket. Truffles left and good riddance. I don't like that I have three Normal villagers now with just how my brain works, but I want to kick Nana out soon anyways.

We got a call from the vet a few hours ago to tell us that Scout is fine after the surgery (visualization above) and we can pick her up in about an hour. I'm very glad, I know she'll still be in pain for a while but I hope after a bit she feels so much better.

update on miss old lady

 

miss peepee

Scout needs surgery. She's been peeing all over the place the past month or so, so Mom and I took her to the vet. He did an x-ray and found she has a pretty large bladder stone. I looked at the x-ray and like, compared to the size of the little girl? That thing looked huge. So he prescribed us a new food for Scout to eat that would hopefully help her pee out the bladder stone. She liked the food, for one day. Then she decided she hates it. She has started to pace around the house, squatting down as if she's going to pee, and nothing comes out. I can't read her mind, but I think Scout is really uncomfortable. Mom called the vet to ask what to do next, and he said that since things are just getting worse, we need to do surgery to remove the bladder stone. I'm pretty worried about it. Scout's gonna be 15 in a week. I hope her little old body will be able to handle the procedure. And I just hope that after the surgery she'll feel a lot better. Ugh I love her so much.

 

Collecting clips is an evil process

me thinking about downloading videos

 I recorded a bunch of voice over for my video on Façade today. I’ve decided I’m not gonna film myself for this one and just talk over footage (though I have a visual gag idea I want to implement if it doesn’t end up being too hard) and this means I need to collect. So many clips. I talk about ARC Raiders for a bit, I need to download a video of ARC Raiders gameplay. I talk about E3 2006, I gotta look for show floor footage. I make a joke about that video of Jonathan Blow being so sad that Soulja Boy didn’t understand Braid, you know I gotta put that in there. What makes it worse is that the YouTube downloader I used to use is no longer functional. I switched to yt-dlp but I don’t know how to make it download the videos as mp4s instead of webms so I need to convert every video to an mp4 using Handbrake. It’s all so annoying. 

whoops I wasted my thoughts already

 

awesome art

I was talking to people about geAI earlier and got all my brain thoughts out there and now my brain is empty. Can’t even copy paste it or something cause it was in the gaming channel of the socpens Discord. I don’t freaking know maaaan. I'm sleepy. Basically we were talking about what constitutes art. I brought up the question of if machine schematics are art. I think they are. I think a lot of things are art in this world. 

english muffins

My dad always gets very happy when he sees me buying English muffins. His father ate an English muffin basically ever day, with butter on one side and marmalade on the other. I'm not a fan of fruity spreads, so I just go with butter. I freakin' love these things. I'd eat an English muffin with butter every day probably. Eggs Benedict? Hell yeah.

do you know him?

Apparently back in the day the muffin man would go door-to-door selling these things. I would be so happy to see the muffin man. I'd definitely know him.

I Hate Hockey for a Very Silly Reason

don't talk to me if you look like this

Picture this. You are on the website Archive of Our Own, and you have just finished the most gorgeous fanfiction you have ever read. The characterization is on point, the author has an incredible way with words, maybe there's some good smut, whatever works for you. The Perfect Fanfiction. Eager, you go to the author's profile on AO3. Maybe they've written more stories for this fandom. Maybe they've even written for other fandoms you like! You can't wait.

Good news: the author is prolific. They've written so much. Bad news: besides the one you've just read... it's all hockey. Every. Single. Fanfic. Is hockey RPF.

This has happened to me more than twice and it's why I hate hockey.

Don't get me wrong. Live your truth, write whatever you want. It's my fault for getting my hopes up. But damn it, it hits like a brick to the face. It's all hockey RPF, and it's usually about some dude named Jonathan. I don't know, I don't read it. Because I hate hockey now. I don't want to watch the gay hockey show for multiple reasons, but this is a big one. I don't want to see gay hockey players. I know about gay hockey players. I wish I didn't.

Note: this hatred does not include that Check Please! web comic. I never read it, but I have friends who did, and it seems fun. The hockey boy who makes pies is exempt. 

saw wrestling last night in real life!!!

 

was brave enough to ask for a post-match selfie with the ball

Hello, today I am tired and achey from watching Superpower Slam for four hours in person. It was awesome and fun and since I am sleepy I will just post some pictures I took.

Gabby Forza

 

Willow Nightingale

Adam Priest and Mance Warner

Billie Starkz

Speedball Mike Bailey and Kevin Knight

thoughts about If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

*dr. coomer voice* hole.

I watched If I Had Legs I'd Kick You last night and I liked it! I think it executes what it was trying to do almost perfectly. Rose Byrne should get that Oscar. It was beautifully made and horrible to watch and that's why it's good. I think my main problem with it is that the daughter sucked too much.

Hear me out. That little girl was not the problem. The problem was the lack of support Linda had from everyone around her, the pressures put on mothers, the spiral of guilt and shame, etc. There's a very powerful scene where Linda confesses she had gotten pregnant early in her and her husband's relationship and gotten an abortion. Now, with all the stress caused by her daughter's medical issues, she wonders if she "got rid of the wrong one." Obviously, that's an upsetting thing to think and as the audience we are supposed to think that's shocking and sad. Problem is, I think it was too easy for people to come away from this movie thinking "Y'know, maybe she was right." Because oh my god, this movie took every opportunity it could to remind you that this little girl was annoying and frustrating. Stuff like the plot line with her wanting a hamster and immediately changing her mind when she realized the hamster was biting her and wasn't going to love her right away. Metaphor's clear, right? The daughter is the rodent for Linda. It's not that Linda has realized she doesn't want a child. She said it herself. Linda doesn't wonder if she should've gotten a second abortion. She wonders if the first child would've been easier to raise, easier to love. She thinks she wasn't meant to be a mother, but that's not because she doesn't love her daughter. It's because being a mother is hard, and having to do so much of it all on her own, with challenges an average mother doesn't even have to deal with.

I think my issue is that the movie didn't make it clear enough that she does, in fact, love her daughter. There were maybe two scenes, before the end of the movie, that showed camaraderie between the two of them. People came out of the movie thinking the daughter was hard to love because the daughter had bad vibes and was a little monster and not because Linda has people all around her telling her what she needs to do to love her daughter correctly but never how to do it, never giving her a hand. The doctor tells her, you need to get your daughter to a certain weight in a week, but not how. She doesn't give Linda advice on how to get her daughter to eat, how to explain to her daughter why this is important. Just do it. Just do better. Figure it out. That little girl was not the problem but I think the movie made it a bit too easy for people to leave the theater thinking she was. It's like they missed that last scene. where we finally see the daughter's face. That's the bit that finally made me cry. Rose Byrne and Delaney Quinn look at each other with such tenderness. Linda tells her daughter that she'll be better, but the heartbreaking thing is that after all this, she still doesn't know how. But maybe now, seeing her daughter's face, seeing a person, for the first time in the movie, she has realized she's not in it alone. In that last moment, the daughter is the only person who has helped her with anything. (Well, besides A$AP Rocky I guess.) Maybe, going forward, they can be a team.

I just don't like that, when the movie ends on the daughter's smiling face giving Linda actual, genuine hope for the first time, people still came out of the movie hating that girl. And I don't think the movie wants us to hate her, I think Mary Bronstein would read what I've said here and agree with me. It's kind of like Fight Club I guess. Is it the movie's fault that despite every point it's trying to make, people still think Tyler Durden is awesome and aspirational? Nah. But also maybe? It's complicated. I don't know. Too many people see children as whiny, squawking little objects. The movie knows that's not how it should be but a whole lot of people were not convinced. Frustrating.