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| Me after typing this. |
Today is my 27th birthday, and I feel better about it than I thought I would. The past few years I’ve been dreading my birthday; oh no I’m in my mid twenties, oh no I’m in my late 20s, and I haven’t done ANYTHING with my life. And it’s not like I don’t still feel that on some level. But on just an emotional level… I’m not sad?
I’m not exactly sure why. I had to go off Adderall recently because of the shortage, and maybe Adderall was making me sad and I didn’t know? I’ve been enrolled in a vocational rehabilitation program, which is basically counseling to help disabled people get a job, and having what will hopefully be a direct path to some sort of employment feels pretty good. Could be because I’ve been going to the gym more and that’s supposed to give you endorphins and stuff. Maybe I’m just becoming more okay with aging.
As I’m typing this, I’m sitting on a bench in Carl Schurz park, right next to Gracie Mansion, which is where Zohran Mamdani is going to live as mayor. Though he might choose not to and only use it for parties like Eric Adams did. It’s good that he’s mayor. That’s, like, one of the only good political things I’m feeling right now. Maybe I don’t feel as bad about my birthday because all of my sadness and anger is being focused on the state of the world right now, and I don’t have any left for myself. That’s more of a grim way to look at it.
I’m on a different bench now, looking out over the East River. (I’m typing this on my phone.) Just took the picture at the beginning of this. There’s a lot of reasons I could be feeling okay. It’s kind of nice to have a lot of reasons.
Hey, happy birthday! Keep up the spirits and I hope you keep feeling good. There are always good reasons to feel good.
ReplyDeletethank you so much!
DeleteHappy birthday!
ReplyDeletethank ya!
DeleteAs someone who's also struggled with feeling like I haven't done anything with my life in my 20s, I think the more I've advanced into the decade,the less pressure I've felt to Make Something of Myself. After a gnarly burnout period and difficulty finding work, I felt my priorities strip down to simpler things and I began to realize the ways in which my anxiety about needing to achieve something big was getting in my way. I've also gotten better at appreciating what I have been able to do. And maybe it's the perspective that comes with age,who knows. I hope the job program goes well for you and that you enjoy 27!
ReplyDeleteI definitely think the passage of time has helped yeah. thank you!
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